That damned potato
by A Bleach-Drinking Hetalian
Summary: A Germano drabble fic, showing one way their relationship could come about. South Italy's pov. Germany x Fem-Lovi, rated T for containing Lovi's mouth and mild kissing. Enjoy!


**Ilaria = Italy**  
**Since I've found I'm notsoclever by making it Feliciana.. =3**

**Lovi stays~ I know a Lovi, and she's my Lovi! :3 **

**I wrote this yesterday, and beta'd it in the middle of the night... I'm not quite sure if it has a plotline.. maybe it's just fluff?**

**Anyway, I only wrote this, Hetalia belongs to Himaruya-sama~ -fails-  
**

* * *

That bastard.

He always hung around my sister, letting my sister hug him, kiss him, sleep with him…

Fucking Germany.. what the fuck about me? Everyone thinks I'm with that stupid Antonio! Fucking tomato bastard's taken by the way, Belgium got to him first.

I scowled as I watched my sister and the potato train. He was making her run, but she'd just thought she saw-

ENGLAND?

I took off for Ila. Fuck whoever, no English bitch was getting her damn pointy claws on my adorable sister!

Panting, I caught up with her. "Ila, I-"

I stopped. Germany had his gun at the ready, and that eyebrow bitch held her arms up in surrender. I frowned. Feli was safe.. and the potato had it under control..

Who gives a flying fuck if I was useless..

Practiced arms wrapped around me, groping me in.. areas that shouldn't be groped, dammit! "CHIGI!" I screamed, making my stupid sorella and that bastard turned to look.

"Let her go, and you shall have your Italian." CRAP. It was France! If they kept England then I'd be-

DON'T FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT.

That stupid German looked dumbstruck. I shouldn't have followed them.. he was able to protect my better half without me..

Fuck.. I was just causing trouble when I tried to help.. It happened with Spain when I was a kid.. It's happening now, seeing as that stupid German can only protect one of us...

Just leave me with some creep, why don't you.. I'll live.. I lowered my head, giving up.

Looking through my dark hair, I saw as Germany lowered his gun. "Switch." He demanded.

France let me go, gently brushing me off. "No hard feelings, Lovi~" He whispered, skipping past me to England. She turned crimson, screaming something at him about handling things.

I didn't notice my sister hugging me, and I was unresponsive until Germany himself picked me up.

Turning red, I kicked him in the chest and punched his back repeatedly. "I can fucking walk! Let me the fuck down, damn you!"

Ilaria patted my head. "I was so scared for you, Lovi! Ve! Thank Ludwig, he saved you from Big Brother France! I wouldn't want to be caught by France, he would do bad things!" She started tearing up. "I would thank him.."

"F-fine, don't cry.." I sighed, humoring her with a, "Gratzie. Happy?"

Ilaria nodded. Damn her and her crocodile tears! ..That German bastard.. he was blushing! Fuck him! Geez…

I crossed my arms, letting myself be carried.

* * *

"Stay with us!"

Those three words were what my sister suggested innocently over a homemade pasta dinner. Germany and Prussia both stiffened.

"The fuck?" I was stunned. No one wanted me to stay with them, that's why I was still in our Italian house instead of here.

"Ve! I'd love it if my sorella was here with me! I'd be able to cook more delicious food!" She said, clapping her hands together. "I'm sure Gil and Ludwig wouldn't mind you staying here!"

Prussia shook his head no rapidly, until he winced from his brother kicking his leg. Germany swallowed once. "We would be fine with it, Ilaria.."

Did the idea of me staying here repulse them this much? I hid my shame by scowling. "Sorella, they obviously don't want me here, so-"

"I never said that.." That German bastard said quietly; so quietly, that I think I was the only one to hear him.

I let the idea rest in silence for a minute as I stewed it over.

"Ve, ve! Sorella, it'll make me so happy if you did that! We'd all be one big happy fam-"

"Whatever. Just shut you're fucking mouth.." I growled, blushing.

Ilaria tackled me over the table, squealing. "Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you Lovi! I'm so happy now~" Prussia crossed his arms, grumbling about bitches. Germany's expression was unreadable, at least to me..

Some big fucking happy family this would be..

* * *

Prussia avoided me. That was a fact. It wasn't because anytime he tried to talk to me, since I knew he hated me, I would yell at him so he wouldn't try to penetrate my defenses. Not at all.

I wouldn't let anyone into there. Spain betrayed me, Belgium too, and my sister didn't give a fuck that I was lonely at this house. And I wasn't about to fucking tell her! That'd be a sign of weakness, and people already thought Italians were weak enough.

I didn't know my way the fuck around, so I nearly always got lost. And this time I was too old to not know where a bathroom was! One time, I found Germany in my confusion. "Oi, Germany! Tell me where the fuck I am!"

The German bastard turned, surprised. "What did you call me?"

"Germany?" Dammit! That came out as a question instead of a statement! Fuck me running… damn German…

Germany frowned. "Why won't you call me Ludwig?"

"Because names are fucking personal! ESPECIALLY for us nations! I wouldn't want you calling me Lovina, or, god forbid, Lovi." All I wanted were some fucking directions!

"I see.." That blond bastard looked away. Were my words.. hurting him? The macho potato?

… Che, what should I care?

But that sad look, the one that's barely noticeable through his stoic stature, seeped into his shockingly blue eyes…

Fine.

"Call me whatever you fucking feel like then, Ludwig.."

Damn my conscious!

Damn that happy expression on his face as he FINALLY got around to telling me what I'd asked!

FUCK THE WORLD.

* * *

The war continued. And I felt fucking drained.

I slumped on my bed, stripping to my undergarments, trying to take a late siesta.

We were out for my normal naptime for the past few weeks, actually. We'd been fighting in some battle we lost..

Germany was devastated.. he'd started chugging an entire barrel when he thought he was out of sight..

The winter atmosphere in the potato's house made it dark outside even in this early hour. I stared forlornly out the window, wishing inwardly for my old home. "I miss the sun.. warmth.." I rolled over under my covers, noticing Germany standing in the doorway.

"Are you cold?" He asked quietly, leaning on the doorway.

I pulled the covers up to my face, not sure why I was embarrassed. All I knew was that fucker was almost redder then I was. How much did he fucking drink after I stopped watching him? "Hell no."

He chuckled, walking in slowly. The German's boots made an echo resound in the room, all of that muscle has to add SOME weight. "But you Italians must be the same.. you hate the cold; you're probably used to sleeping with someone, aren't you?"

Before I could say I wasn't some slut, he sat on the end of the bed. I noticed his hair was falling out of that rock-hard shell on his head. Down.. the blonde hair looked kinda.. nice... "Not like that.." He mumbled, blushing as if he'd read my mind.

I frowned deeper. That idiot! "Get out of my fucking room, I wanna sleep without some fucking pervy German bastard next to me!"

I turned away so that potato bastard could leave without me watching. Why would I wanna watch him? I wouldn't!

I didn't notice him getting closer to me on the bed until he was right behind me. I felt his stagnant breath on my neck, and I jumped back with a loud, "CHIGI!"

His blue eyes seemed to pierce me, an iciness filled with need. Then he leaned in closer to me, and I took the liberty of pushing his white-ass face away from me.

Ludwig took the shoving of his face away as a sign, and forced me- and I could feel myself blushing, dammit- into a sweet and loving kiss. I protested at first, trying to think of a way out of this. He was obviously stronger than me.

But as the kiss deepened, my defenses melted from the warmth, the gentle way Ludwig was kissing me. I grabbed a handful of the German's blond hair, opening my mouth to get more of the kiss. Ludwig's eyelids lowered, gaze intensifying.

"Sorella, sorella, Gil just asked me-" My eyes widened as my younger sister appeared in the doorway, Prussian hanging off of her shoulders.

There was an awkward silence, and Ludwig turned to look at the two. "Hn?" He grunted, obviously annoyed.

Gilbert smirked, and Ilaria smiled widely. "Uwaa~! I didn't know that you two were together, too! Gil here was just saying he's taking me to dinner, so you can have the house, ve~!"

Prussia laughed into his gloved hand, trying to block it out between words. "Kesese.. N-kese-nice choice, bruder.. kesesese~!"

She tugged on the Prussian's sleeve. "Ve, we should leave them alone." Her innocent brown eyes came to rest on me. "Have fun, ok~?"

They left, and I stewed in my anger.

"You damn German! You gave them the wrong fucking idea!" I grappled onto his jacket collar, putting his nose to mine. "Now they'll think something stupid, we're together!"

Ludwig silenced me with a peck on the lips. "Let them think what they want.." He gently stated, unlacing my fingers from his jacket. The German went to the edge of the bed, removing his boots and jacket before returning next to me.

He stared at me for a moment before I lifted the cover slightly. Reluctantly; it wasn't willing at all!

The German was surprisingly warm, guess it was all of those damn bulgy muscles... Beer was practically radiating from him, he reeked! I didn't think it could get any stronger, but he pulled me to his chest, in a.. hug?

That bastard! He's an insensitive, ugly, stupid, potato bastard!

But goddamnit! When I hugged him tighter, it was just because.. he was...

Ludwig was warm.. dammit.. and.. I felt warm inside, too.. like the kiss was an activator to my inner Italian space heater..

And when I looked up at his face, he was already asleep! How the fuck did he do that? But.. his face was kinda.. adorable..

Dammit, this fucker would get it in the morning.. but for now.. I buried my face in his torso, letting a small smile linger on my lips as I drifted off to sleep.

I kinda like it..

* * *

_**OMAKE:**_

Germany only woke up because something was pounding on his chest.

"Let me the fuck go, you stupid.."

He censored the rest with his fuzzy mind, wondering what the hell happened. Why was he in bed with..

.. Lovina?

"CHIGI!" He winced; she'd just missed his vital regions.

The German let Lovina go, yawning as he scratched his head. "Might I ask if.. I did anything improper?"

The Italian turned red, and began cursing at Ludwig incoherently. He sighed, knowing nothing happened.

He slicked his hair back, or at least tried to, and it flopped back into his eyes with a sigh. "Lovina, I apologize for anything you didn't want, we won't share a bed again."

"I never said.. well.. it wasn't completely awful.." Southern Italy turned her pink face back up to him.

Their eyes met; a moment seemed to pass between them. The kind of moment that doesn't need words, only actions. Hesitating, until he saw something welcoming in those hazel eyes, Ludwig leaned in and pressed his lips to Lovina's. The Italian responded eagerly, after a momentary hesitation, threading her fingers in the soft blond locks for the second time in 24 hours. Germany was almost glad it was down, despite the annoyances it caused.

They kissed for a long moment, lips moving against lips. Just as the German's tongue peeked out to lick along Lovina's lips, the front door opened, and a loud, "BRUDER~! WE'RE HOME!" Told them that their siblings were back.

Lovina jerked away, as did Ludwig, both of them blushing bright crimson.

* * *

**Prussia and Italy: the best cockblockers in town! Next to America, that is.  
GERMANOOOOOOOOOOO~! -plot bunnies hop around me, tripping me- Psh. Damn bunnies..**

**I also love adding omakes to my one-shots. I feel like it wraps it up in a nice little beehive~**

**THe world really does need more good GErmano, they're such a cute pair~!  
(But the wimp I am, I can only write genderbendings... ]= )  
**

**Thank you for reading, please stay awesome!**

**Reviews would criticize me to perfection. Or tell me you liked this; even if you didn't, I'll have more Germano sooner or later.**

**(/ = w=)/**

**(You just lost the game~)  
**


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